i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
