Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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