So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She bit a glass in half.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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