Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
