Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
