Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
