why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
