speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
