Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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