I met the friendliest cop last night
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
