The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i drank out of a bidet.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
