i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
