dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
