he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
