I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
