I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
