you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
