dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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