The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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