Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
