this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
