im six kinds of drunk right now
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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