Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
