I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
