i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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