Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
