Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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