you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Well I just put wine in my tea
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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