He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
