The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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