I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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