If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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