i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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