Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
