i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Come on in and take your pants off
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
