R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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