So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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