tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
My cat gives me a boner
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
