you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
