Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
nutella sex= disaster
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
