Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize