Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
