I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
