Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
it's great music for shaving your balls
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
