Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Randomize
