You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
