4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
