What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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