you're like a bully in the Christmas story
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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