Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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