Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
