My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
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