so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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