I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
