Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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