This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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