my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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