I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
