3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
