If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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