i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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