So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
the raccoons are back...
Randomize