you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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