Your mouth is God's brothel.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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