My first STD was from a foam party
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
